Why Cupid Keeps Getting Spanked
Classical Greco-Roman art is filled with paintings, pottery, and sculptures that portray Cupid, the infamous arrow-wielding cherub, getting spankings. This is such a widespread phenomenon that I finally had to ask the internet why, and have come here to my distinguished Spanking Blog 🧐 to report my findings.
It’s important to note that Cupid is not some innocent wayward child, but an immortal god of eroticism, infatuation, and attraction. In most myths, he plays a minor character who moves the plot along by shooting humans and other deities with powerful arrows that fill them with uncontrollable desire. Cupid is winged, they say, because lovers are flighty in nature, and boyish because love is irrational.
Long story short, this little fucker is the reason we all fall in love and morph into crazy people in the process. He is a mischievous, sadistic, rabble-rousing goblin out to cause problems for shits and giggles. I don’t care if he’s cute, he needs to get spanked, and it seems many others would agree.
Some appear outright delighted, in fact, to do just that.
Cupid is spanked most often by his mother, known as the Goddess Aphrodite in Greek art and Venus in Roman art. It seems her boy is such a constant pain in the ass that she carries around a folded girdle to punish him with.
"No, we are NOT ruining lives for fun today. Don't ask again."
Sometimes, she even marches him all the way out to the boonies to put him over her knee, away from the curious eyes of onlookers and passersby.
"I had to leave work early for this, you little shit."
Occasionally, some other fed-up deity takes matters into their own hands, like Athena a.k.a. Minerva, the goddess of wisdom, justice, law, victory, and the sponsor of arts, trade, and strategy.
"Break my statue during class and it's rump roast for you."
We can safely assume that most of the time, the divine powers spank Cupid not for being a statue breaker, but because they wish not to fall in love. In Mars Chastising Cupid by 17th-century painter Bartolomeo Manfredi, for instance, the god of war punishes Cupid, portrayed as a young blindfolded lad (“love is blind,” get it?) for making him fall for Venus, the goddess of love. All that soft, mushy-gushy nonsense would clearly make Mars vulnerable and undo all his manly desire for heroic violence and glory. He would like revenge and, much to the protestations of his lady, takes it out on Cupid despite the full slippage of a whole titty. 👀
Kinda jelly, not gonna lie. What must I do to get spanked by the god of war?
In some spanking novel illustrations, Cupid makes an appearance as the spanker, arriving to redden bottoms of lusty kinky ladies like-a meee! This makes FAR more sense in my mind, as spankings are much more likely than arrows to make me fall in love.
How did he find me, bent ass-out over this giant book?!
And how did he break into my boudoir, where I lie alone on my bed in stockings and heels?!
So, that’s the scoop! The next time you find yourself falling madly in love, know that you’ve been pierced by one of Cupid’s poisoned fuckdarts and revenge is readily available to you. All you have to do is dress up as the god of war, break into my boudoir, bend me over a giant book, house-heels and all, and take it out my bum to protect your godly manhood.
… did I get that right? I was never good with mythology. Too many names and dates and whatever. Can't help but get 'em all mixed up.
Anyway, have more spanking art:
Don't do it, Venus! Take me instead!
Every time. ✅