Omg, I just stumbled across this on YouTube and it’s pretty much the best thing ever. We need to talk about why it’s amazing for a hot sec. Have a seat.
This is apparently a scene from a 1980 Czech comedy called Postřižiny, which the internet tells me means, “Cutting It Short.” According to someone in the comments, the pretty lady on the bike comes to see her husband and his friends. She rides up and her man asks, “Where has all your hair gone?” She points to a ponytail hanging off the back of the bike. “There! Tee hee.”
Holy shit. The naughty minx went and chopped her glorious feminine locks off without warning the illustrious master of the house in advance! How very dare she. Women aren’t allowed rights. The whole world would fall apart in seconds!
He is clearly humiliated in front of all his homies. Something must be done to defend the man’s honor and we all know revenge is a dish best served right in the town square.
The following scandal ensues…
Now, I may not speak Czech, but spanko-speak is a universal language, so I’m gonna go ahead and fill in the blanks so we can all follow along with what’s going on. This saucy brat was clearly cruisin’ for a bruisin’ and hit up the barber specifically to piss off hubby so she could get her bouncy buns warmed. All the fiery passion had drained from their marriage in recent years, you see, due to the harsh demands of his job at the local bank and the boner-killing agony of economic stress. She’d been fluttering about the house stark raving naked for MONTHS to no avail. Zero nookie. Not even a tweak of a nip!
But oh, did she daydream of those early days when he’d put her over his knee the instant he got home. The man was in-spank-satiable back then! She used to spend just as much time staring down at their shag carpet during extended trips across his lap as she did staring lustily into his soft almond eyes each day. Every sound swat had been a firm reassertion of his love and devotion to her. A lack of passion in their marriage simply would not do after that unforgettable taste of ecstasy. She had to take matters into her own hands with a shocking, properly emasculating stunt.
Thankfully, her plan worked wonders. Having NONE of her wifely shenanigans, her husband (let’s call him Reginald or something) marches right up to her and…
(I can’t tell what the deal is with the bike thing. He removes part of it and hands it to her? I’m not a bike person, I don’t get it.)
Anyway, he turns her around and bends her over just like the good old days and she is downright GIDDY at her success. “This gangsta bitch always gets what she wants,” she tuts internally. He lifts her pleated skirt to expose her creamy silk panties and she reaches back to assist, pulling the hem to clear the way. Her enthusiastic obedience is so goddamn astounding that Old Man Jackson’s spectacles fall with a clatter to the cobblestones at his feet! This is something everyone will be writing home about for a long, long time. Guaranteed.
Then he spanks her with a…
(What is it?? I can’t tell. Looks like something strappy. Anyhoo,)
Naughty wifey winces with each stern stroke and hubby’s posse looks on while justice is being served. Cocks hardening in their manly 80s trousers, they simmer in envy, imagining the spankings—my WORD, the spankings—they’ll be carrying out in their own homes later that night. How could they not drift into visions of punishing their own wives’ ample backsides when Reginald’s woman is clearly enjoying it so much, smiling like the unbridled harlot she is?! They’re only human after all, imperfect and full of sinful inclinations in the face of constant temptation. It’s a good thing God loves misogyny and has bestowed permission to spank the ladies upon dick-having Heads of Households far and wide, all over the land. If women didn’t want red bottoms, Eve shouldn’t have eaten that shiny apple. Live and learn!
But wait… what’s this… she’s… pulling down her own panties?! This insane woman wants it on the bare!
It is in that moment that Reginald realizes he’s been duped, but only in the very best way. Why, this is a horny emergency that must be remedied in the privacy of their humble home, STAT.
Lifting his brilliant wife onto their bike so they can get home and handle this, Reginald is overwhelmed by this potent reminder of what a lucky fucker he is. He resolves in his heart to never neglect her bare buns ever again. He shall spank day and night, indoors and out, with all the gumption he can muster, ‘til death do they part. He’ll need to have a brand-new paddle handmade at the local woodworker’s shop to take a bit of burden off his sore red palm with all the spanking he’ll be doing from here on out. It may cost a pretty penny, but blast it, money be damned! She’ll NEVER go without again. Not for all the fine art in Paris’ toity Louvre!
Victorious, Boss Bitch Wife smiles at hubby’s homies. “Hope you all got a good look, losers. Perhaps your own wives would benefit from shorter hair.”
Her man looks on approvingly, beaming with pride. “What a silly fool I’ve been. Let’s go home and spank, posthaste.”
“K. 😁”
“Pfft, going home to spank his gorgeous wife who’s clearly asking for it without a hint of shame,” a bow-tied loser sneers, “What kind of man would encourage such madness?” The homies nod and concur. M’yes. Surely. Quite. Feminine wiles and such. Madness, indeed.
Green-eyed with jealousy, they turn to go play a decidedly dry, limp game of chess in the parlour. But what spanko could bring themselves to care in such a moment of reawakening and elation? Not our heroes, that’s for certain. They have urgent business to attend to. Matters of fervent, immediate need.
They ride off into the sunset, ready to make a love so clamorous the whole of the nation will be spurred to spank. (This singular event would go on to put an end to the great Czech birth decline of the late 1970s. Based on a true story, this whole thing.)
As the smitten couple disappears down the road, the homies follow with their eyes, awed and slack-jawed by the sights and sounds of pure, unquenchable passion.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
That right there is what legends are made of, friends. Now go, set aside your troubles, and give the one you lust for exactly what they deserve.
-T