• Sweet Tea

Spanking Machines


When I was younger, I was sure I must be the only person in the universe to ever fantasize about such an oddly specific concept. Silly me, of course I was wrong!


Rule 34: Internet pornography exists concerning every conceivable topic


Indeed, there’s nothing new under the spanko sun. Any idea that jingles our jimmies has almost certainly been explored by countless kinky folks. This one isn’t even rare, as it turns out. Depictions of these torturous devices have well-established historical roots, and a number of craftspeople have worked hard to create real, functional models for kinky customers around the globe.


The appeal


“Why would spanking machines interest anyone?”


If you’re asking this, you’re not alone. Most of us love spanking for the intimacy it entails. We want to feel each other throughout every skin-on-skin smack. We want to hold and be held down. We want the patting and pinching and rubbing and caressing and peeking between the cheeks. That closeness is watered down with distance between giver and receiver and would be non-existent if the act were carried out by some impersonal piece of technology.


For this reason, spanking machines are a niche and primarily fantasy-only interest. Though I’ve relished visions of being strapped down to one on several occasions, I have doubts about whether I’d enjoy it in real life. The appeal, for my kinky imagination, is the sadism aspect—the idea of my dom sitting back and observing, slowly sipping a beverage while I rapidly devolve into a mess of tears due to the relentless nature of the experience. It’s the ‘loss of control’ fantasy dialed up to 11.


For tops who dig the idea, I’d imagine the draw would be in delivering a spanking without actually having to exert the effort or break a sweat. They simply relax while punishment is carried out for them, increasing or decreasing the intensity or speed of the impact with a click of a button. Again, the vibe would be colder than with traditional OTK spanking, but sexy on some level all the same (so says the dark part of my filthy soul).


Spankos who’ve used them in real life tell me they can actually be pretty fun and/or relaxing if you’re lacking a partner and craving the physical sensation. I can see that. They’re also effective, I’m told, in the context of long-distance relationships. Need to be away from your spankee for a while? Have a spanking machine delivered to their home and order them to use it when they’re naughty in your absence.


So what might a fantasy involving a spanking machine look like? Let’s explore!


Spanking machine art


Y’all know how much I fookin’ luuuuuuurv spanking art. (I snagged a handful of these images from this article. Many thanks for the info, dangerousminds.net!)



This is a German illustration of a spanking machine drawn by an unknown artist in the 1930s. Strafraum apparently means “penalty”. The long line of rotating whips is clearly designed to deliver discipline to multiple naughty bottoms simultaneously. Rather efficient.



This one, which you may have seen on my homepage, was drawn by kinky artist John Willie in the 1940s. It seems the young lady is required to inflict her own punishment via a pedaling motion.



This is a Russian drawing from the early 19th century. There appears to be a long line of victims (criminals, perhaps?) awaiting their turn, quivering in fear. I would be too! Jesus Christ.



This one’s said to be from an early 1900s fetish magazine, likely French or Italian in origin. Similar to the John Willie model, it appears she must carry out her own experience by rotating the wheel.



The ‘Lifting and Spanking Machine’ was apparently a real product from DeMoulin Bros. & Co., made to swat the buyer “where his mother used to apply the sole of her slipper.” He’d simply bend over, lift the handles, and a trigger was released, causing the paddle to “spring into place and strike him on the kazabo.” (Ahaha!) There was also an attachment hidden under the platform that delivered a current of electricity as the paddle hit its target. How many of these do you imagine they sold? If I were to open a Spanking Museum, I’d definitely want one on display.



Here’s an 1880 cover illustration from now-defunct humor magazine Puck. The caption reads, “PUCK'S CONCEPTION OF MR. BERGH'S STEAM FLOGGING MACHINE” in reference to ASPCA founder Henry Bergh, who advocated for the creation of a steam-powered whipping machine made to punish undesirables like wife-beaters and animal abusers. The point of the device, he claimed, would be to remove the element of human mercy that might normally interfere with the strength of the beating. This guy wasn’t fucking around.



This one, found at spankingblog.com, was drawn by Jack Rhodes and appeared in a French book called Punitions et Dressage. I won’t lie, my vagina screamed at the sight of it.



I got this one from this site, which has a ton of rad spanking machine images, but the artist is not listed. Look at that monster! I would definitely strive to behave myself in its presence.



Endart.com has so much spanking machine art, it’s hard to choose just one. I like this 'paddlin' pony' image for her expression. That’s the face of a spankee who’s really getting the message.


Ughhhhh, so much brilliant art out there! Google has many more goodies to show you, if you are interested.


Pop culture references


Spanking machines aren’t unique to visual art. They’ve also been referenced in music and on the telly. A 1959 episode of Leave it to Beaver featured the young protagonist accidentally getting locked in his principal’s office while searching for an electric spanking machine. (He didn’t find one and wasn’t spanked for being sneaky after getting caught, I’m told. Merely chastised by his parents. Phew! That’s good.)


Punk band Babes in Toyland put out a fucking rad album called “Spanking Machine” in 1990 that tickles my nostalgia. There’s also an L.A.-based electronic group by the same name. I could never go to one of their shows. Can you imagine? “Put your hands together. Let’s give it up for SPANKING MACHINE!!” Who wants to die from blushing too hard in the middle of a rave? Not me, friends. Not me.


Real-world models


The real spanking machines I’ve seen online don’t match most of the artistic depictions out there. They’re all a bit different, but here’s a video of one you can buy from spankermachine.com, to give you an idea.

I’ve never been yelled at in German during a caning, but that domme’s lack of pity makes my booty cheeks quiver in fear. I might yell back out of sheer audacity. “Do your worst, evil queen!!”


It looks like the machine can be mounted to most surfaces and can host a variety of attachments. You’d either have to be restrained or have the fortitude to hold still throughout the experience, but many spankees do tend to enjoy that type of challenge. Here’s another demo:



Another manufacturer recommended by an acquaintance is Orgasm Alley. Their models are quite a bit more expensive than the ones in the videos above, but look pretty damn sturdy if you’re jonesing to invest in a product built to last.


Don’t take my word for it though. I’ve never used a spanking machine and can’t give my personal stamp of approval on any particular brand. There are oodles of other kinky folks who sell such devices online, and it’s best to read multiple reviews before you buy. Have a browse if the idea suits your fancy.


So whatcha think, friends? Would you let a spanking machine swat your derriere?


-T


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