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  • Writer's pictureSweet Tea

My Friend the Seat

Photo credit: The Illustrious Namio Harukawa. RIP, you pervy genius.

There's this guy on Fetlife who lives about 45 mins from my place. Facesitting is his thing, but not in the way you might expect. He invites women over and has them sit FULL WEIGHT right on his face, fully clothed, no oral, for up to 30 straight minutes, smothering him. His profile has multiple pics of exactly this.

You may be picturing a lean, submissive-looking dude like the one in the illustration above, but it’s not so. This man is macho, muscular, and covered in tattoos—lying there on his floor with his nose poking between pairs of clothed cheeks.

He first hit me up around a year ago with the subject line 'saved u a seat', asking if I'd like to come smoke his weed and text my girlfriends as he struggled to breathe.

"Would love to donate my face as your personal seat. Fully clothed & full weight as u watch tv, chat on phone, read, eat, smoke my tree's, etc. etc. my avg, is 130lbs 30 minutes.. How much you weigh?"

I told him facesitting wasn't really my thing, but I appreciated the offer.

"Thank you for the response. Can i ask if knowing you can sit full weight on my face for 30 minutes is impressive tho?"

Oh why yes, impressive indeed, of course! I don't know anyone else who can do that.

"Hahaha o stop"

He was laid-back and sweet despite my decline of his offer and we've continued to correspond from time to time. I find him endlessly fascinating. A true legend, one of a kind, like the men they speak of in stories of old.

I told him it must not be easy being a seat, assuring him that he is brave and hardworking.

"through good times and bad JustSitOnIt heheh"

Through good times and bad, friends.

I needed to know, was he not afraid of being farted on?

"I was threatened to be turned into a fartface before but never happened"

Phew! No pootie from the booty thus far, it would seem.

"would u be scared sitting on my face to begin with? be honest? would u feel guilty i cant breath while u just sit there smoking my pot lol. not all have the heart to be a sitter"

Verily, I could not, for the guilt would consume me. When did he realize he had this fetish, I wondered.

"my girlfiend at the time sat on my face while i was lying on the couch and was like u never gonna get this never gonna get this booty and got up. i was like hey i actually like that get back here lol it was on from then"

He never gonna get this, friends. Never gonna get this booty.

But I also needed to know... was it sexual? Did he jerk it afterwards?

"nope. afterwards im satisfied usually recovering drinkn water and letting my nose re adjust before i have to answer to others what happend to your nose lol i have no legitimate excuse so i usaully dont go out until it's recovered couple hours after lol. depending on weight it usually crooked and all red lookn and if it were jeans being worn may have lines and wrinkles lol. looks beat up and feels like mash LOL"

Apparently some girls get concerned and can't sit still, which he does not prefer.

"some sitters will get up after a bit to check on my face and see how the nose is looking while others will just sit there the whole time. So then i came up with a game called (no peakie) Haha we agree on a time then sitter will sit on my face without getting up or checking until time is reached no peakie Haha"

No peekie, friends. None.

You might wonder, as I did, whether he engages in any sort of workout or training in his spare time to become a better sitter?

"when the pool was open at the gym i would go hold my breath under water. im the seat not sitter btw, big big difference"

Oh, right! My mistake! Okay but, in theory, what would he do if I got so stoned while sitting that I couldn't get up?

"I will push the booty off if I realize I was forgotten"

Well that's good. He's offered to let me paint my nails t'were I to agree to come sit. I replied he'd better stay still so I don't fuck it up.

"i will hold the polish thats how still"


You may think I’m sharing this tale to make fun or shame his kink, but nay. Quite the opposite. He’s got my curiosity piqued and there are times, I do confess, when I fight the urge to take him up on his offer. Oh but friends, can you blame me?? What woman in her right mind wouldn’t be tempted to have a seat?

I’ve spoken about him in whispers to a couple of my closest girlfriends. Their reactions were similar.

“Girl, what the fuck’s wrong with you? That man’s a HERO. Go sit on his goddamn face!”

Perhaps someday, somehow, I’ll muster up the courage in spite of my bashfulness. If and when that day comes, I shall report back to you all here.

I got a fresh message recently, the night before Thanksgiving. He was in a festive holiday mood.

It takes all kinds to keep this big wide world wonderful, friends. ALL kinds.



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