Spanko self-love is important to me. I spent a long-ass time feeling ashamed and fearful of this fetish frothing within me, but no longer. My obsession with the mushy-gushy romance of consensual spanking is nestled snugly in my soul, illuminating every atom of my aura. It’s led me to make connections with some of the most fascinating, delightful, down-to-earth people I’ve ever known. It’s also brought me glimmers of spiritual joy, done wonders for my creativity, and had a surprisingly positive impact on my writing career. I celebrate this.
In alignment with this gratitude for what the gods have given me, I recently went online and spent a ludicrous amount of money to start a 20-piece collection of retro spanking magazines.
I tried to stop myself for the sake of my bank account. Didn't work.
When I say “retro,” I mean retro for a mid-80s starchild like me. The oldest piece I bought was published in 1971, the newest in 2006. People in the U.S. and UK have been storing these gems in their attics, basements, and closets for decades. Some now use sites like Etsy and Amazon to sell them to pervy pixies like myself. Bless their resourceful and generous hearts!
You might be thinking, “Eeeeeew, some rando looked through all of those while jacking off.” And that might be true, but I don’t think of it that way. These old-school treasures are an enchanting blast from the past. Spanko time capsules. They’re windows into the lives of Our People who came before and laid the ground for the scene we inhabit today. I am both old and young enough to know what life was like before and after the internet became available. It wasn’t a hop, skip, and a jump to DeviantArt or SpankingTube back then. No noooooo. These beauties were gifts in the hands of spankos who likely thumbed through each with a mixture of lust, elation, and existential relief.
“Look at all these incredible people who love what I love! The world is not as cold and gray as I feared. I am not alone, nor was I ever. Bliss!”
It’s enough to make me emotional. I get a warm sense of comfort knowing these mags are in my house.
They now live in my bedroom on my nightstand shelf. #SpankoFengShui
So here’s the thing, friends: I haven’t looked through them yet. I wanted to set aside some time so we could all do this together. In this post, we’re going to skim my new collection and I’ll give you my fresh impressions throughout the journey. Sound like fun?
The Spanking Caper (©1972) and Spanking Cop-Out (©1971)
I’m going to start with two pieces that I thought were magazines when I bought them, but are in actuality erotic novels. I’m not sure whether it was false advertising or fervent excitement that made me overlook this detail. I mean, a spanking CAPER! Who doesn’t love a caper?! Pfft, take my money right now.
Heeheeheeheehee...
I’m a tad confused because the cover of this caper says it was written by Jack Warron, but the title page inside says it was written by Leslie Ford. Whichever is true, I applaud them. I also applaud the editor for their FYI before the story starts.
Somewhere, right now, real people are doing these kinky things.
It’s going to take me a while to read it, so I can’t give you a synopsis, but it’s got a handful of amazing photos in the middle and I think we should enjoy a few together.
Whipped for painting LSD on her back. "Take that, hippie!"
Punishing furry boy butts, blemishes and all! No fucking Photoshop! Swoon!
PUBES! Glorious pubes!!! Oh!! It's so beautiful. 😭
He is sorry and I am here for it! I hope she gave him big hugs later.
Spanking Cop-Out by Joe Weiss does not contain any pictures, but a quick skim offered some rather alluring descriptions, along with expressions that tickled me pink, like “mellow” and “groovy.”
He's gonna teach you a lesson you'll NEVER forget, Gail!!
Whoa. Page 8 appears to have been printed backwards! I have never seen this before and assume it’s either a sign of auspicion or a demonic hidden message à la John Lennon on Rubber Soul.
One thing I have to say is that some of the sexy women portrayed in these stories are written to be underage. Hmmmmm. I know it’s fiction, but I don’t dig that very much. I will replace all those teenage girls with present-day Scarlett Johansson in my mind as I read. That will surely make it better.
Janus (©2006 / ©2003 / ©2002 / ©1986 / ©1981)
I’ve bought six of these so far. Janus, from what I understand, is one of the most famous and prolific spanking magazines to ever exist. You can read about it here if you’re interested in the deets. Its first issues were published in 1971 and covered a range of fetishistic interests, including spanking. The spanking content was so popular that the magazine gradually shifted toward our favorite thing as its main focus. (Sorry, bondage/leather/rubber lovers, but yayyyyyy spanking!) One of its primary illustrators was legendary spanko model and artist Paula Meadows, whose work I revere ever so. Sadly, the internet killed this long-running publication in 2007 as access to online spanking content took over as the norm. Janus released around 275 regular issues total. Quite impressive, if you ask me!
Each issue includes a wide variety of content, which makes them all a lot of fun to thumb through. There’s hand-drawn art, real and fictional spanking stories, sexy photos, descriptions of spanking books, comics, and letters from readers.
Uh oh. Someone's BUSTED!
Don't you worry, Rick. We understand completely.
She should probably have been less naughty. Welp, too late now...
Getting right to the heart of the matter. Utterly divine.
Simple. Classic. Perfect.
Pardon me, but where is this church and how do I get there?
There's also a personal-ads section that spanko readers used to seek out partners.
Let's hope they all found what they sought!
Derrière (©1980)
Holy fuck me. This cover is butter.
This English publication, a temporary offshoot of Janus, was available for £1.75 the year it came out. I like it a lot! It has photos, art, stories, letters from spankos, and interviews that may or may not be real (but let's pretend they are for shits and giggles).
Loving the hair. And look, more capers! That's a win.
When you're naughty in the woods, no one can hear you scream.
Life imitates art imitates life imitates art imitates life imitates...
She apparently caught him cheating... spanking another woman in their bed!!
(Again, the pubes... just glorious.)
The letters from spankos cover a wide range of topics, from TV spankings to judicial whippings to erotic dreams to childhood memories and more. The readers of Derrière, spanko givers and receivers alike, had a LOT to say.
Everyone's having a goooooooood time!
Phoenix (©1980 / ©1986)
I expected these to be American given the Arizonian title, but the prices are listed in pounds. More English goodies! The main content consists of spanking stories, most of which are presented as real, accompanied by a series of awesome photos with enthusiastic models.
Someone pissed off the headmaster, it seems.
I love her expressions very much.
Her strict husband did not appreciate being lied to regarding her whereabouts.
It was decided this young lady's shenanigans had gone on quite long enough.
Being spanked by this Mom lady would make my life complete.
Sure, you can spank me, Mister, but only if you make that face the whole time.
Fessée (©1989 / ©1990 / ©1991)
Damn, Fessée is fucking sexy. The name is Frawnch, but don't be fooled. This is another English publication. You spank-happy Brits, I could kiss you all!!
I have four of these so far. The mag consists mostly of spanking stories acted out by some veeeeeeeeeery pretty models. There are also some great hand-drawn illustrations, comics, letters to the editor, and advertisements for imposing weapons.
This lovely article waxes poetic on the magazine's name.
Our love of the word 'bottom' is ubiquitous and eternal.
Spanked in front of the hearth!
This man belongs in a Billy Joel video.
Not the spoon, Mama!
That darn Mitzi. Will she ever learn?
You guys, this one's too good. I don't know how much more I can handle.
A glass of port, a caning, and a shoe shine.
"Why, I oughta..."
(Am I the only one who wants a pair of those panties?)
Looks like she wasn't expecting the cane at the end. Oh my...
Grade-A content all around. There are zero F/m scenes depicted in Fessée. This is exclusively a matter of spanking lady bottoms, buuuuuuuuutt I’m not really too worried about that at the moment. These women, my god. Should’ve sent a poet...
Camera Art - the Art of Spanking (©1995)
According to the description on the first page, this was a quarterly publication frommmmmm, hey, California! Woot woot! How nice to come across my people… and very nice it is indeed!
This mag contains a lot less text than the other ones we’ve seen so far. Most of the stories are extremely short. It’s all about the photos, but damn are they gorgeous. Round, jiggly, squishy, and plump are just a few words that come to my mind.
Good for you, Alex! We must follow our dreams.
A spanked bare bottom by any other name would glow just as bright.
When they hire you to be a maid, they actually expect you to clean! Wild...
Stealing is bad (but I'm glad she did it).
SO nice. 😍
I love the spanker's farmhouse dress. Total bumpkin vibes. Spank that city girl!
Spank Hard (©1987)
This is another Cali mag, but has a wider variety of content than the last.
Hey btw, all the models in these magazines are professionals over 18. The mags all point out that they have proof on file so people like me don’t feel sketched out while ogling the photos like a degenerate. That’s quite considerate of them, and especially helpful in this case because Spank Hard has strong domestic discipline vibes. Lots of little-girl energy here.
Hey, what's so wrong with procrasturbation? 😬
Damn, sis! Cold blooded.
Should I hang it on the wall in my living room?
Twelve whole swats!
Who could blame Marsha? Corner time sucks!
Mr. Swatt knows just how to handle criminals like Evelyn.
This mag also has detailed spanking stories with hand-drawn illustrations, an article written by a professional spanker, spanking video reviews, comics, letters to the editor, and more. Entertaining!
Sting! (©1980)
This one is British and features lots of toppy dudes with huge mustaches. I like the letter from the editor.
Thanks, Lance!
Harold looks like he needs a statue of his likeness in a town square somewhere.
LOVE her expressions. Truly erotic.
How I want to spend all my evenings.
Hey finally, some F/m action!
Do you think he's embarrassed that we can all see his dangly parts?
And now, we are talking about orgy sex.
If you don't spank, the orgy will get totally out of control. Keep the peace.
I have to say, this one’s been my least favorite thus far. There’s a whole race-play section at the end that made me go “Nooooooope.” Also, I’m pretty sure all the spanking in it is FAKE. Not a single pink bottom to be seen throughout. No spanking was carried out during the making of this spanking magazine. Hmm, now does that sound right to you, friends?
Just Us Girls (©1994)
This one's less of a magazine and more of a low-budget newsletter. Still, it’s pretty cool! Made in Antioch, Tennessee by a lady named Barbie, Just Us Girls is “dedicated solely to the special pleasures of spanking between women."
A fellow spanko Aries. Perhaps writing about spanking runs in our fiery blood.
The packet includes letters from ladies about their spanking experiences and fantasies, illustrated with some rather hot drawings.
A wild dildo appears...
There’s also some lovely erotica written by the newsletter’s creators.
"What should a child get when she's misbehaved?"
"A-A sp-spanking."
Oh shit, Barbara! Anything but that!
This one has a bit of a feministy vibe throughout. Spanko deliciousness by women, for women. I like it.
Over-The-Knee (©1995)
So this is kind of interesting. Apparently this is the last issue of Over-The-Knee that was ever published. The people who made it were the same California folks who published Spank Hard, which we saw above. OTK’s editor married a spanko dude in the scene and moved to Florida to be with him. (Good for them!) OTK’s content was subsequently merged into Spank Hard and their powers combined as one.
This mag has a hefty letters-to-the-editor section. If there’s one thing we all know about spankos, it’s that we fucking love talking about this whole thing with people who get it. Lots of stories from adults describing times when their parents or teachers spanked them and how they felt about it. Also, ones from wives and husbands about how punishments are carried out in their home. Also, Alan from Florida would like to talk in detail about panties.
No panties lowered to her knees in a pic? Alan will NOT be amused.
There’s also the usual erotica, an article about roleplay, a true spanking story by one of the staff writers, an interview with a professional mistress, video reviews, and some very 90s-vibe photos.
It's like a deleted scene from Clueless.
She says she's sorry but I'm not so sure...
A bit of F/m OTK. Yummy yummy. I like this one lots.
Action shot! Get that hair flip.
Part of me feels like most of the photos in this one lack a certain pizazz, but I can’t tell for sure because I’ve been looking at porn for almost three hours at this point. Perhaps my brain is desensitized and needs a brief spank-break. (Hey, it happens! Once in a pink moon.)
Holy shit that was fun, you guys.
Thank you for doing this with me! I look forward to reading each of these issues in more depth and gathering more material for my retro collection in the years to come. Who needs money when you can buy OPP (Other People’s Porn)?
I learned something today: Although the world has changed immensely in the past several decades, spankos on the whole have not. We still love talking about it, feel passionate about panties, and harbor special affection for the word ‘bottom’. The fetish is eternal. It is we who come and go.
Would you like to start a retro spanking magazine collection of your own? You know I love you and have links for you. Go treat yourself!
I’m off to bed now to dream of plump pink peaches. Goodnight for now, friends!
-T