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  • Writer's pictureSweet Tea

I Need to Talk about Adam Driver

I'm sorry for this, Adam. Truly, I am.

Anyone who knows me and sees this will laugh and roll their eyes. “This again.” I am not at all quiet about my #2 fetish. (Typing #2 physically hurt just now. That’s how much I love him.)

Dude, I am only human and this man makes me weak with deep spiritual lust. LOOK AT HIM. What am I supposed to do? HE IS FUCKING GORGEOUS. STOP IT, ADAM. (But like, don’t, ever. Seriously.)

Most people know him from Star Wars, but I think I first saw Mr. Driver on that HBO show Girls. Did y’all know Adam has a spanking scene? You're welcome, my friends:

(YouTube, I swear to god, if you ever remove that clip, I will throw such righteous, mighty shade your way. Don’t even THINK about reducing the amount of Adam Driver material in the universe.)

It’s goofy and not the best spanking scene on the internet, clearly, but I find it really sweet. “I don’t wanna hurt you…”

Yeah, but WE want you to hurt us, Adam. I am not the only one who feels this way.

You also don’t see a whole ton of bare-bottom, pinkened-cheeks spanking scenes in non-porny movies or shows. Usually the spankee remains fully clothed and the hitting itself looks kinda fake. Not sure whether he really swatted her during filming or not, but it’s believable enough and hoooooo-eeeeee, gets me goin’ just fine.


Let it out, Adam. Call us whatever you like. I, for one, will not mind.

As a citizen of the fetish realm, I’ve always appreciated his character on Girls. The guy’s mega kinky, digging into age play and degradation and domination at different points throughout the show. It affects his relationships in some very relatable ways. His sexual partners are visibly confused and weirded out by what he’s into. A vanilla lady he dates gets so offended by one of his requests, she cuts the connection off and stops seeing him, which bums him out and makes him feel like an asshole. Thanks, Adam (and Lena Dunham,) for portraying the truth of what it’s like when we try to date vanilla peeps: frustrating, heartbreaking, guilt-inducing, and lonely at times, regardless of how much we love them, and they us.

If you ever happen to read this, Adam Driver, I’m sorry for objectifying you. I’m sure you’re pretty fucking tired of it. Being famous has to suck. Fans get all up in your grill and think they know who you are, but they don’t, and I respect that. So I shall continue to admire from afar and try to be a bit less creepy about this whole thing.

But goddamn, dude, seriously, you’re the sexiest person I’ve ever seen. I do NOT understand it.

I’m gonna stop writing this post now. It’s making me feel like a drooling horny fool. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, friends. Phew! Fuck.



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