(This pic has nothing to do with anything. I just think it's rad.)
Warning: This post contains adorable penis pics. If you wish not to see them, please turn back meow.
Generally speaking, like most people, I hate unsolicited dick pics. I remember the first time a guy sent me one. We met at a beach party and briefly chatted while getting sloshed and drifting on the sea in those floaty donut things. He was nice, funny, and exceedingly polite in person. I agreed to give him my number and what, I ask you WHAT, do you think he did with it the following week? Yap. Hurled a big ol’ schlong photo right into my DMs.
My interest in him vanished like a fart in the wind. I’m an old-fashioned gal, you see, and look forward to all the sexy in-person discoveries that come with dating someone new. Finally seeing the dick of a dude I fancy while we’re together makes me all at once nervous and giddy and this mofo ROBBED ME of that chance with him. To boot, it felt abrupt. I hardly knew the guy and had immediately been presented with his naked man-rod like I should have an opinion about it. I did not. The experience got me on the bandwagon of exasperated folks screaming into the void, “DICK PICS ARE RUDE AND I DON’T WANNA SEE THEM.”
Fast forward to a handful of years ago on Tumblr when I discovered Things My Dick Does, a photojournalistic chronicle of the adventures of Little Dude, the world’s cheeriest peen. He does things like bake cakes, get wasted, and lay around in the sun and we all get to come along for the ride. I couldn’t help myself and had to admit the truth: I … liked? … looking at smily pics of this random guy’s cock and couldn’t wait for more. Sometimes hell freezes over and pigs do indeed fly.
I recently chatted with Big Dude, who is attached to Little Dude, about how he’s managed to get a slew of strangers like myself jazzed by the sight of his valiant willy.
T: Thanks for taking the time to chat, BD. I've been following your adventures with Little Dude since you got started on Tumblr before they made the silly choice to ban explicit content. What inspired you to start documenting the life and times of LD?
BD: Fucking Tumblr. But whatever that’s over now.
This literally all started over a few sexts I was exchanging with my girlfriend at the time. She had sent me some pretty sexy pictures of her in this beautiful bed. The covers and insane amounts of pillows made it look super cloud-like. So I of course sent her a picture of my dick resting on a pillow with a sheet pulled up to make it look like it was also sleeping on clouds. She laughed, so then I sent one with a smiley sleeping face on it. She loved it. Then I made him look like he was waking up and reading texts or checking emails like we all do. I then started sending more and I could sense her not being as into them as before, but they made me fucking lose it every time. So I thought, "there have to be other people that would get a kick out of this." I had already been on Tumblr with my real-life art account, so I knew how it worked. Figured it was a good way to get it out there.
T: What kinds of reactions did you start getting when you introduced LD to the big wide world?
BD: 99.9% positive feedback, even from people that didn’t like dicks. They appreciated the comic humor behind it all.
T: Yeah, as I mentioned before, I hate the dick-pic phenomenon. It’s so rude and violating to send people pics of your junk if they haven't explicitly expressed interest. Seeing Little Dude, however, brightens my day. The world's a scary place full of chaos and uncertainty, but he's so brave and plucky in spite of it all. It’s inspiring.
BD: My first/favorite hate mail was from an anonymous account. Something like "Ew how dare you flash your gross pencil dick around like that."
T: Heartless. Did they not see his charming little face?
BD: They must not have. Or maybe it was an angry ex that recognized it. :D
I totally agree that sending people pictures of your genitals without asking isn’t the best way to be a human. I just happened to figure out the formula where people WANTED to see my genitals. Never once did I force it upon anyone. If you were on my account you, hopefully, knew exactly what you were getting into. I mean...I would hope the name said it all.
T: For sure. There's a difference between getting pics you didn't ask for through DMs and getting mad about seeing people's junk on the internet when you've specifically decided to visit a site with explicit material and made the decision to go check out their page. I see a lot of shit on Fetlife that's not up my alley but if someone’s content bugs me, I just blockity block block, chop chop. Like you said, it's your account. Express yourself! LD's fan club certainly appreciates it.
How's it been, btw, this whole journey? You must have a hefty amount of followers by now. What's it like to be internet-famous?
BD: It’s been great! I’ve made tons of friends and connections. There’s been a little financial gain from it but nothing crazy. I think what’s great about it is that it will (maybe) always be relevant. I mean, as long as people have dicks, right? It’s such a weird type of internet fame though. It’s not like I could ever be a legit ‘influencer’. I tried to get the attention of some companies but I'm sure the media reps were like "Oh no no no, we can’t touch that."
T: I dunno man, I shared a link to your account the other day and had a few ladies comment, "How are you getting me to like dick pics all of a sudden?!" which was my reaction as well. I'd say that's pretty influential.
Honestly, I think lots of people do potentially have penis love. We're just not as geared as a society to objectify dicks like we do lady parts, plus we (mostly women) get all these unwanted invitations to touch my peen, stranger, TOUCH IT NOW AND TELL ME YOU LIKE IT!! online and in real life, which is creepy and exhausting. Like, if a dick is attached to someone I'm crazy about, I will eventually fall madly in love with it by extension as its owner and I become more intimate. Until then, it's not my friend, no matter how pretty it is. That's my personal feeling about it, but I can’t resist the enchantment of Little Dude’s modeling sessions.
What about a self-published coffee table book or something? I'd buy that.
BD: Definitely going to have to be self-published. I managed to get myself an actual literary agent but she couldn’t get anyone to bite.
T: I getcha. Well, until that day, we’ll all be waiting patiently. How's he doing, by the way? Good day to be a dick?
BD: Seems to be a good dick day. I mean, does he even know he’s a dick??
T: Prolly not. Most dicks don't. You should tell him and watch his head explode. Thanks for the chat, BD!
BD: Thank you!