A Whole New Physical Vocabulary: Spanky Girl Talk with Queen Edible Moana
Yes, Edible Moana is a pseudonym. The friend I interviewed for this post adopted the ‘Edible’ bit in honor of our mutual love of sticky green ganja, which she prefers to consume in edible form. The ‘Moana’ part alludes to her status as a perpetual island dweller, based these days in Hawaii with her handsome husband and adorable son.
The queen and I met in Thailand at a yoga teacher training course in 2015. Between dedicated bouts of extracurricular stoga (that’s yoga while stoned, obviously) we would chat about philosophy, spiritualism, expat stuff, feminism, sex, drugs, rock n’ roll, and BDSM. Well… I would talk about BDSM. She would listen, ask questions, make comments, and likely wonder why I felt the need to be so fucking hardcore about the whole thing, which I very much was at the time.
Recently, we caught up on a Zoomie and I shared that I’d become disillusioned with the BDSM community after moving back to California. I’d decided to niche down over the last year or two, I told her, and focus solely on the spanking scene. I had a good amount of kinks, but only one fetish, and spankos were the only folks I wanted to play with anymore. As I laid out my feelings about spanking in detail, a twinkle glinted in her eye.
“Yeah, that makes sense,” she replied, nodding. “I could see that.”
Lo and behold, I got a text a few days later. She and hubby, after an extended lull in sexual connectivity, had gotten their spank on for the first time the night before and had a fabulous fucking time. I asked the queen if she’d be willing to indulge us with an interview about her exciting new adventures in the bedroom. Below is our convo. Enjoy!
Sweet Tea: I’m ridiculously thrilled to be having this chat with you, Queen Edible Moana. You have some incredible news to share with the world. Please please, do tell. Spill the tea.
Edible Moana: Well first, let me thank you for literally turning me onto a whole new world of exploration with my partner. I should preface by saying I started studying and practicing Tantric and Taoist sexual energy and techniques right after I met you in 2015. I was always so excited to share those new revelations I was experiencing with my partner, but he was a little put off by the “woo-woo” nature of it all. When you shared your experiences with me about spanking the other day, it sounded like the perfect blend of energy, trust, surrender, and total hotness, and I was pretty sure he’d be able to get behind the idea.
We started planning our scene together earlier in the day. We came up with safewords, shared fantasies and desires, made agreements about what we were and weren’t comfortable with, and basically had a bit of mind-foreplay for the afternoon. In the evening, my partner set up the room for us. Music, candles, mats, and blankets on the floor, yoni nectar and coconut oil lube, and some sexy tunes in the background. I was nervous even though I know my partner better than anyone and we’ve been monogamous for 8.5 years already. There was something really vulnerable about opening this part of myself in front of him, but I was also super excited to play and quite frankly, it was the first time I’d felt turned on in months.
Anyway, he started the night by having me crawl on the ground and strike a few “yoga poses” while he started striking me. Like I said, I was nervous, which made my mind want to disconnect and think about other things, but with every spank, I was immediately brought back to the moment. Spanking was such an interesting dynamic of pleasure. On one hand, it ached and stung my skin a bit, but I also couldn’t stop smiling and laughing. The more we played with positions and intensity, the more I felt my energy rising. I definitely had a few energy orgasms that made my whole body tremble. I would look at my partner from time to time and think I was with someone new. His entire demeanor shifted from his usual happy, laid-back self to this really commanding and raw masculinity. He showed a lot of care for my experience, and when he felt my energy begin to tense up, he gave me a very tender pussy massage to relax me back into the scene. The juxtaposition of him taking charge and spanking me, with him gently massaging me and checking in, gave me the perfect amount of swerve and warm fuzzies.
My partner, who balks at just about anything I say about sexual energy, miraculously experienced his first series of Tantric full-body orgasms during the scene. Since we agreed that the evening was all about play, and penetration wasn’t necessarily on the table that night, he ended up displaying a new level of sustained virility. We have a small child, so usually after about 20 minutes of anything sexy, I’m ready for a nap, but the pleasure of being spanked and playing together in this way was sustained for over 2 hours. We were shocked by how easy it flowed and how fast the time went by without us noticing.
At the end of the night, we did some aftercare. We talked about how we were both super satisfied and impressed with how well the night went. I’ve tried many different date nights incorporating Tantric practices into our lovemaking, but my partner could never fully get into it the same way I did. Spanking, dominance, and submission allowed us to finally experience heightened sexual energy together in a really exciting, trusting, and vulnerable way. I’m looking forward to exploring this new world with him.
ST: Fuck yeah. I wish you could see the big dorky smile on my face. I'm giddy for you. It's interesting because I don't think most spankos incorporate Tantra or energy work into their sessions, though the flow of energy between spanker and spankee is always there, whether or not the session is sexual in nature. I've definitely experienced that shift in demeanor you describe. My first dom would switch seamlessly between a stern, terrifying sadist and an intensely romantic, affectionate gentleman. He could turn it on and off like a light switch based on how things were going on my end. Managing that in a way that's safe, fun, and attentive is definitely a skill. You've got to be able to read people and adapt to what they're giving you, so kudos to your partner. That's grade-A magical.
Had the idea of spanking turned you on in the past? Had you ever been interested in it previously? What was your view of the whole thing before you tried it and how did that impression compare with your actual experience?
EM: I’ve always enjoyed getting spanked during sex, but I can’t say that the idea turned me on outside of it. I honestly felt like I was too vanilla to be truly turned on by kink even though it intrigued me. I had done a bit of it here and there with lovers—getting tied up, choked, slapped around a bit, and playing with toys. I feel like every lover I’ve ever been with has spanked me since day 1 while making love (and I suppose that’s to be expected when you have a nice ass), so I didn’t even realize that was anything out of the ordinary with sex. When it came to my own fantasies, though, I didn’t naturally go there. I remember talking to you about BDSM back when we first met. The way you described it turned me on and made me curious, but I was also freaked out and thought it wasn’t my bag. When we spoke recently about spanking, that’s when I thought for the first time, “OH YEAH! I can get behind this.” Spanking was something familiar and safe to me.
I didn’t begin that evening with my partner with too many expectations. I was a bit nervous that he wouldn’t feel comfortable bossing me around and taking charge in that way. I thought if he was closed off, I would similarly shut down too. That’s typically how it panned out with Tantra. Thankfully, that didn’t happen at all. He took on the role and completely owned the evening. It was so sexy to see him in such a different energy than he usually has during our lovemaking sessions, which, let’s be honest, had been extra-strength vanilla bean since we had our baby. The whole experience was exciting and ecstatic. The pleasure varied in intensity, but I stayed in that prolonged state for hours. Uber yummy.
ST: Indeed. I'm glad your man was able to connect with the headspace of the role. I've heard people rave about Tantra, but unfortunately it's never really done much for me in the bedroom either. Different strokes, I guess.
I want to geek out on meditation with you for a bit. I've always felt like being spanked is a 'spiritual' experience, but I don't usually tell people that because some frown and worry they're about to be subjected to yogi fluff. Spanking is the only thing aside from meditation that's ever brought me wholly into the present, silenced my mind, and allowed me to feel that sensation of "nirvana" or whatever you want to call it. I'm not sure whether I react to spanking like that because I'm wired with the fetish, specifically, or simply because pain sends loads of endorphins coursing through the body. Masochists in BDSM talk about 'subspace' a lot, describing a similar narcotic type of high, and some tops experience their own flow-state-esque version of that feeling on the other side. Whether any of that's actually 'spiritual' or purely chemical, I can't say. Might just be two ways of talking about the same thing. Does the comparison between spanking and meditation resonate with you, after the experience you had? It's certainly different in the sense that spanking is shared with another person, but any similarities you noticed?
EM: I can see how you connect spanking and being totally present in meditation together. My mind tends to wander when I’m in the bedroom, whether it’s lost in fantasies, memories, or the grocery list, it happens frequently with me. Usually I try to reconnect to my pleasure by focusing on my 5 senses. Getting spanked made that much easier to do. I definitely experienced heightened sensitivity and a flow of energy, but I didn’t connect it to meditation consciously. To me, the spanking wasn’t so much a spiritual experience as it felt like a really juicy celebration of the physical world.
ST: Gotcha. I feel you on the 'mind wandering' thing. I can get caught up in my thoughts during sex too and that makes it impossible to connect, but spanking takes me out of that. Pain is such a visceral, grounding sensation and I find that relaxing on an emotional level when I'm in a controlled situation with someone I trust. But yeah, thanks for humoring the hippie inside me. The relation to meditation that I perceive probably boils down to similar neurological states and body chemistry at the end of the day. States of consciousness and all that jazz. BRAIN DRUGS.
Have you and your partner touched base to talk about spanking much since you started doing it? Any reflections you've shared or specific things you want to try moving forward?
EM: Yes, we’ve talked a bit about it since starting. I’ve shared that I really like that sense of presence it creates. In fact, even when we’re together now without any plans to play in that way, I’ll sometimes ask him to spank me just to get back into the moment. When I asked him what he likes about spanking specifically, I believe his direct quote was, “I like that I get to touch a butt.” Not MY butt, but A butt. So, that’s that! LOL
Moving forward, we’ve started incorporating some light bondage. We’ve talked about getting some more toys as well. What’s been really fun to discover is that spanking has opened up a whole new physical vocabulary between us. I’m not always in the mood for penetration, and unfortunately society puts a lot of emphasis on penetration as the only way to have sex. Spanking and playing without penis-in-pussy as the endgame has helped me relax because I don’t feel pressured to do something my body isn’t ready for, yet I know I’m still giving and receiving pleasure with my partner.
ST: I'm glad to hear you're both getting so much out of it. The "whole new physical vocabulary" part is huge. Spanking really is its own form of communication and a wonderful means of escaping the prison of "penetration = sex". All that social pressure to be hard/wet/ready/relaxed/orgasmic on demand can make physical intimacy such an intimidating and unpleasant experience at times. That's never there with spanking. And, of course, it can lead to intercourse afterward if you both reach that headspace where you're turned on and receptive to it. Such a great foreplay tool.
Queen Edible Moana, you are a brave and magical rock star and I want to thank you for chatting with me about the vulnerable details you’ve shared here. I wish you and your partner all the spanky happiness in the world as you move forward, ya fuckin' badass.
EM: Thank you, T!
There you have it, friends. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Spanking Is Love.