Have you recently met someone with a spanking fetish? My word, what luck! Meeting a spanko is like encountering a shimmery neon unicorn or a plate of eggs benedict with a perfect poach. They are rare and (for the most part) delightful! Playful, genuine, and sensual, spankos burn with a passion that cannot be snuffed.

Though some spankos can be shy, I’ve found that deep down inside, most of us really like talking about the whole thing once we’re comfortable with someone. Here are some questions you can ask to get to know a spanko and understand how they experience their fetish.

1. When and how did you realize you were a spanko?

2. Did you look up ‘spanking’ in the dictionary as a kid? If so, what other related words did you look up?

3. What kind of spanking is your favorite to give / receive? Disciplinary? Sexual? Therapeutic? Playful? ‘Funishment’ oriented? For maintenance? What do you like about it?

4. Were you spanked as a kid? How do you feel about that now and why?

5. What thoughts go through your head while you’re spanking someone / being spanked?

6. What are some offenses you’ve spanked / been spanked for in the past?

7. Do you enjoy sex in conjunction with spanking or do you prefer to handle them as separate activities?

8. What’s your favorite implement to spank / get spanked with? Why do you like it?

9. What’s your least favorite implement? Why do you hate it?

10. If you’re the spanker and your spankee has consented to let you decide when it ends, what makes you decide it’s time to wind down? Are you on the lookout for any particular cues from your partner?

11. What fictional character / famous person / historical figure(s) would you want to spank or get spanked by?

12. What’s one fictional character who should’ve gotten spanked for something, but didn’t?

13. What specific types of misbehavior are spank-worthy, in your opinion?

14. Have you fully embraced your fetish? If so, when did you reach that point and how did you get there? If not, where do you feel you’re at in terms of that process and what conflict(s) do you still struggle with?

15. Do you like to switch? Why or why not? If so, do you prefer one role over the other, or enjoy both equally?

16. Around how long do you usually prefer to spank / be spanked for?

17. Do you like to spank / get spanked for real, actual misbehavior in a serious way, or prefer more of a ‘funishment’ vibe?

18. Do you like any other activities that are associated with spanking, like figging or corner time?

19. Do you like to scold / be scolded during a spanking? What kind of talk makes scolding desirable or effective?

20. What does spanking mean to you? What kinds of ideas, feelings, and sentiments does the act represent in your mind?

21. Do you experience ‘subspace’ / ‘domspace’ during a spanking? Is masochism / sadism something you identify with?

22. Do you enjoy spanking-focused roleplay? If so, which roles are your favorite to embody?

23. Are there any spanko artists / writers / photographers / porn stars you particularly like? What do you like about them?

24. Do you think about spanking when you orgasm? If so, is there a particular type of fantasy or idea that usually sends you over the edge?

25. What are some non-porny TV shows or movies you’ve seen that contained spanking? How did you feel about those spanking scenes? Which was your favorite and why?

26. Are there any traditionally spanking-related aesthetics that you dig, like white cotton panties, belts, etc?

27. How do you feel about bruises resulting from a spanking? Do you like them or prefer to avoid them?

28. What drives you toward spanking? Intimacy? Stress relief? The release of guilt? The pleasure of subspace? Sexual connection? Something else?

29. What are your favorite and least favorite spanking positions?

30. What do you think spanko partners can do to ensure their dynamic is consensual rather than abusive?

31. What do you think attracts consenting adults to discipline and corporal punishment? Do you think it results from some sort of psychological or spiritual need?

32. What might be the difference in how a ‘good girl/boy spanking’ and ‘bad girl/boy spanking’ are administered?

33. What do you think about maintenance spankings in domestic discipline relationships? How might one be similar to or different from other types of spankings?

34. Safewords or no safewords during a punishment spanking? Why? How do you feel about agreements involving ‘blanket consent’ or ‘consensual non-consent’ between partners?

35. How ‘out’ are you about your fetish? Who knows about it besides you?

36. What’s the best thing for you about being a spanko? What’s the biggest challenge?

37. Would you describe spanking as a form of ‘play’ for you, a ‘lifestyle’, or something else entirely? Why?

38. What’s your favorite synonym for ‘butt’ in the context of a spanking session? Why do you like it? Are there any you particularly dislike?

39. Do you enjoy non-spanking porn? Why or why not?

40. Have you ever dreamed about spanking in your sleep? If so, can you remember the circumstance involved?

41. What’s your favorite setting for a spanking? A bedroom? A living room? A woodshed? Elsewhere? What ideas or feelings do you associate with that place?

42. What are some characteristics of a great spanker? What about a great spankee?

43. How do you feel about nudity during a spanking?

44. Have you ever written a spanking story? If so, what was it about? Was it based on a true story or entirely fictional?

45. Have you ever cried during a spanking? What about it brought on the tears?

46. Have you ever laughed during a spanking? Why’d you get the giggles?

47. Where do you think spanking fetishes come from? Why are we like this?

48. What do you prefer to happen after a spanking is over? What does good aftercare consist of, in your opinion?

49. What’s the connection, in your mind, between spanking and BDSM? Do you think of them as different things? Does the BDSM community appeal to you as a spanko?

50. How, for you, would an ideal spanking unfold from start to finish?

That’s my list! Start peeling those onion layers and get to know the mind of your spankalicious new friend.

-T